I'm watching the Daily Show. Jon Stewart is almost cool enough to be my hero. I'm only blogging because I haven't in awhile. I have things to say, but I can't think of how to write it. I should be sleeping right now. I talked to my friend Aaron Lennop tonight. We had some fun bitching about the government. I don't get to talk about that stuff that much anymore. Hmm... And I also talked to the boy tonight... I didn't get to talk to him yesterday because the generators went out. He'll be back soon. I almost can't believe it. It's been so long, and I... I think I'm a little scared. I might know why, but I don't want to write it down. I can keep some things to myself. Fall is almost here. I can smell it and feel it in the air at night. On Monday we are supposed to have a high of 65. Mmm... Sweater weather! I love how happy Autumn makes me. I'm getting sick of the words I use all the time. Unfortunately, I use love and hate too much. Some others:
well
suppose
it makes me sad(it really doesn't. normally it disgusts me)
I
think
and many, many, many more... Maybe I'll make a list when I'm at work on Monday. Unless we actually have some work to do.
I like my job. I do assembly at Mercury Marine. I make transoms for stern drives. I had to look up what the heck that even meant, haha! I don't know anything about boating, except for what I learned from Titanic. I know starboard and port, and prow, stern, fore and aft... Mostly, descriptive directionals. We haven't had much to do so far because this assembly line is being moved up here from Oklahoma. We have been standing around a lot, waiting for parts. I sometimes hide behind some racks and read a couple pages of my book. One day I made snowflakes for the southerners I work with. They are so worried about Winter!! It's hilarious!
Having this three day weekend is really strange to me already. I've only had this job for three weeks, now. I anticipate the next couple paychecks because then I can really start paying things off!! I'm so ready to put all my stupid debt behind me. It never would have been an issue if I hadn't depended on someone else. If I hadn't thrown away my own goals and life to be with someone. It's my weakness. I'm always looking for an escape. Stability is a prison to me. Things chain me. The only freedom is the love and companionship of the people I love. I'm already held back by my own fears and depressions. I deal with a lack of confidence and can't seem to talk to people and make sense. I know it's not because I'm anti-social, or lack anything. The rest of the world seems to have stopped thinking.
Innuendo is dead.
Wit is sick.
Creativity is anemic.
and Feelings are dulled.
Humans aren't... human... I'm starting to see that everyone is not what I thought they would be when I was growing up. I looked up to, still pretty much do, engineers, scientists, doctors, people in suits and nice cars... I thought they were special, I thought they were the people who made the world run.
It was a nice illusion. Those types? They're all people too. They are petty and mean and close minded. Prejudiced, blind and egotistical.
I guess higher education doesn't really get you anything but a bigger paycheck. It doesn't instantly make you a critical thinker, reasonable and clear headed. There is no light bulb waiting to be turned on. No one is running down the streets shouting "Eureka!". I wonder if anyone ever did? I said in a former post that people have always been this way. Maybe I'm right about something?
