Sometimes, I just hurt for the world. I don't much care about my role in it. I don't think I can change it... But, I can't ignore all the bad. I'm supposed to think of all the good things in the world, all the joy... But how does that make anything better? Even if I am good and I help and I try to change things... How will that help. These are the times when I really wish a god did exist. Who the hell do I pray to? I can wish and hope and send my thoughts until my eyes bleed and my throat is raw. Without a name, a being to call out to, it doesn't mean shit. And it really doesn't. My oldest sister is in the hospital right now. With meningitis. She's been in for over a week. What the hell can I do? I'm a thousand miles away. Say a prayer? Um... No. Can't ask for help with those either. I can't send money, because her oldest son would steal it. I can't help watch her kids, can't really go back to Wisconsin.... I really hope she'll be ok, and that she'll pull through like all the other times. But how many more times is this going to happen? Why does she have to suffer? And my nieces and nephews? What did they ever do to deserve it? Here I am, in beautiful, sunny Florida... I was having such a good time, I forgot she was in the hospital.. I am ashamed. Even if I was in Wisconsin,there would be nothing for me to do either. So I just have to sit it out, wait, and hope that her doctors know what they are doing.