Gah.

Well... I've stated my case to my old man... We'll see where things go from there. It's getting to the point where maybe I can talk about it. Yes, this is all about stuff from the last post. It's that serious. But, I'm getting scared. What does my future hold? What will I do? I just have to prepare for the year when Ben is gone.
I had a great trip back home! I wish it has been more than a visit. I'll be back in July for over a month though! It's really weird to think that in less than two months I'll be 21! I'm very excited! This is the last hurdle into full adulthood... I'm going to miss being a kid. Because, really, I haven't grown up yet. Being in New York has just made me stay at the same maturity level.

Yeah, I'm married and I pay my bills on time, and I have my own place. I'm just not feeling it. I don't know why. I don't really want to be an adult, or a wife, or supported, or any of this... I've been giving it lots of thought. I've really got no one to talk to about what has happened in the last couple months. I told my sister Julie and then I found out that she was acting really snotty to Ben. So much for confiding in my family. I'll tell my mom eventually and I hope she'll understand. But yeah, most of the things I'm feeling can be summed up in Excited and Scared.

--- Back to being back in New Nowhere... As soon as I got into the car with Ben to leave home, I felt numb. My brain went blank and it felt like I lost my ability to be creative... I think that speaks a lot for how I feel about this place. I can't wait to get out! Sadly I don't get to leave until Ben does... That's ok. It's better that way.

You know what I really hate. Assumptions. Because they make an ass out of u and me.

Now that the secret's out I hope no one makes them. I guess I'll update later.