Just something I wrote while trying to fall asleep

"What will the story be? A sweeping romance? A story of high climaxes and grand conclusions? Or not, maybe just a dead end tale full of grand illusions. Coming of age? Confusion? The story of my life, or maybe the story of a life I can't even bring myself to dream of... Putting those wishes down in words makes the loss of something I'll never have all the more painful. It's a stupid, self indulgent thing. Yes, go ahead, feed the beast. Forget that you have a life to yet live. Limit your self. How foolish that you can't even pretend. So, as it is, there is no story. Even the blank pages aren't poetic in this sense, just a drab reminder of a life not being lived. A life spent staring at walls, and monitors. Waiting for a wisp of brilliance. That one moment when all becomes clear and it is your moment to shine. That focus won't come. No matter how much coffee you drink or cigarettes you puff. Devote yourself to the people you love, but see if that fulfills you. Waste all your energy on their life. No, that's not what you do. You feed off it."