June 14, 2011

eh... I'm feeling numb. Well, more buzzing than numb... some kind of emotionless feeling.  Shock? Oh well, it's better than feeling miserable and drowning in cast off kleenex tissues. Maybe I just feel powerless... To change my life, to control my relationships with people, to shut my mouth...

And my back hurts. Haha...

Two nights ago my dad told me to "grow up"(yeah, whatev) and yesterday afternoon I was thinking about it while furiously cleaning off the stairs and the hallway below.

My dad really isn't a shining example of a grown up, so I have to look elsewhere for an example. What is a grown up? How is it defined? Obviously not by age.

Back to the stairs. I had stubbed my toes for the LAST TIME!!! I was so pissed, I started to take all my brother's crap and put it in his room, and I took all my mom's crap and put it in the attic. FYI- I didn't have more than 2 things on the stairs.
And then after making like 15 trips up and down, I freaking swept them... As I was bent over, wondering whether or not I would go tumbling down, I realised: 
"Being a grown up means that when something pisses you off, you DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT."

When things need to be fixed, changed, refreshed, bought, sold, cleaned, or finished, it takes initiative and a can do attitude, and yes, maybe a little bit of anger to get it done.

There is always a driving force behind every great action. If people thought things were "fine" and they were happy, nothing would ever change. But things aren't always fine, and they sure as hell aren't always happy. 
I think that this all boils down to me wanting to get the heck out of this house. I LOVE my family, but they are far from inspiring... They just live... I hate people that just "live". 
After putting up the post about introverts I had a somewhat scary thought... I love being alone, and I don't mind have few interactions with people, but... What if my whole life, I only have a few close friends? I only rely on my family? And I never talk to anyone?? I need to get out of my comfort zone, seriously. 
I've only got one life and I'm ready to live it... Now if only I could just get some money.

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