I haven't written anything meaningful in awhile. I think it's because I've been feeling like there is no time. That's impossible for me. I'm rich in time. Too bad that Time=Money doesn't work that way.
Since I'm about to be absolutely broke, with no job, no future, what feels like no boyfriend, and no pride... I feel oddly prepared. This feels like one of those character building times in life. The kind everyone who is anyone seems to have had.
The smart important people that is. Fuck you Kardashians and Paris Hilton.
I'm not worried. Too much.
No. I'm lying.
I know that as long as I can live with my parents, I'll be ok, and my basic needs will be met.
I don't want to live like I'm a child though.
I can't let any circumstance stop me from overcoming this. Not my own fears, not my worries about others.
I need this stress, I need this fear, I need this...
But I want to run away so much.
I just want to take my last couple hundred dollars and buy a ticket somewhere and... I don't know... Breathe? Air is still free right?
I think one of the things that scares me the most is that I'm even thinking of the military as an option.
I, of course, throw that option out of my head as fast as possible.
I don't stand for that. I want to be in control of my life.
Which... Well, I'm not. Shit.
Being in control is overrated. No one has their shit straight anyway.
I'll be trying to keep perspective, and, it makes me kind of sick to say, stay positive.
Nevermind, I'll try for realistic... I can handle that.
Happy trails to youuuuuu....
L.G.K./W.
Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.
—Spanish Proverb
Having control of your own life is over rated. Your dating someone in the military who doesn't have control over their own life which leads to lots of uncertainties in your own life meaning you don't really have complete control of your own life as long as your with him.
ReplyDeleteI know, I know... It's worth the risk, but why am I so draw to these types? Haha... I'll get things under control. Even if it only for a little while, because nothing sensible lasts forever :)
ReplyDeleteOh, and yeah, Aaron does have some control. He could choose not to re-enlist. But that isn't going to happen. It's not my decision, so I'm just gonna gonna roll with the punches.
And that's kind of why I want to get my life under control. I want to be ready for whatever is in my future. I don't want to just dash off somewhere without a plan... I've done that and failed too many times now.